i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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