the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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