You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
