perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
