Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize