I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
