Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
