Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
