Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize