She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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