if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
