You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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