if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
