i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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