whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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