Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
