What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
