i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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