WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
