my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sorry about my life...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
