glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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