woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
