Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
