i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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