New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
