I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
