we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
