I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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