God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
