FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
