there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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