I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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