i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Randomize
