I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
