We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
