There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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