I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
