What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
