guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
