Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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