i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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