we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I touched a dick in church today
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