Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
