i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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