I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
