I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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