i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
where are you?
Hypothermia
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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