ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
