woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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