I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
