Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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