Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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