Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Pants are for mortals
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize