Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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