Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
