Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
