look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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