are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
