i think my mom watched the whole time
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
