I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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