Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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