..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize