Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
