How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
