If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
