When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
