its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
