i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
