i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
